MyAnswer: Billy Graham "Friends, Relatives, and Neighbors"

Friends, Relatives, and Neighbors

My husband and I took some of our relatives into our home to help them over a rough spot. We even led them to the Saviour and we believe they are genuinely Christian. But now they just stay here and we don't really have a home. The man won't work, and the woman helps just a little. We don't want to send them away, because it might hurt their spiritual life. What can we do?

If one's spiritual life is such a delicate thing, it is not really a work of God at all. Those that God has saved from their former way of life and given the gift of salvation are quite rugged. In fact, one of the basic responsibilities of every child of God is to work. Paul wrote: "If any man will not work, neither let him eat" (II Thessalonians 3:10).

   Industry is becoming to a Christian, and this relative of yours must be made to face some of these facts. In another letter Paul wrote: "But we exhort you, brethren, that ye abound more and more, and that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your hands even as we charged you; that ye may walk becomingly toward them that are without, and may have need of nothing" (I Thessalonians 4:10-12).

   As Christians we ought to help one another, but if your relatives are able-bodied, they should be given a date when they must be on their own again.

A couple of years ago I became estranged from my church through the sharp tongue of one of the ladies. I withdrew completely. What should be done with people of sharp tongues and sarcasm?

The best thing to do is to ignore their remarks. The Bible says: "Love suffereth long, and is kind; love . . . is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil" (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5). It isn't easy to do this, but if we want to be followers of Jesus we must try. For two long years you have been poisoning your mind and body with resentment. Stop now. Follow Christ's example and pray for the one who despitefully used you. See her as Christ sees her. When you meet her, act as if you had forgotten her caustic remarks. Better still, fill your mind so full of love that there will be no room for peevishness.

   Next Sunday go back to your church. Once more worship God in your accustomed place. As you enter the church, center your thoughts on Christ. If the idea comes to your mind that some in the congregation are not Christlike, remember that you have failed Him, too. You will find new joy when you obey Jesus' command: "Bless them that curse you, pray for them that despitefully use you" (Luke 6:28).

My brother is about to marry a girl who is totally unfit for him. Is there any way I can show him his error and keep him from this fatal step? I love him and have made a good home for him since our parents died.

Probably you will never think any girl is good enough for your brother. He is without doubt a wonderful young man. But if he is such a fine fellow, why don't you trust his judgment in this matter? I think you would do more harm than good to interfere. Your problem is with yourself, for it may mean the breakup of your home. You are a very dependent person and now your security is being taken away. Everyone desires security and the sense of being needed. I would like to suggest to you that your lost feeling may be a good thing for you. It should teach you that whenever we lean upon some person for support, we are in danger of serious disappointment. God has given us all that instinctive dependence so that we might come to depend upon Him. Let your human loss be a real gain. Let God have the part He should have in your life. Then you will not only be adjusted to your problem, but you will discover a new joy that comes through personal faith. Christ can become "a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

I am writing you for all of us children whose mother recently died. Now father is planning to remarry, and we know we can never get along with a stepmother. Can't something be done to help us?

It is unfortunate that the word "stepmother" has too often fallen into disrepute. Some of the most noble women I know are stepmothers. To become a stepmother is much more difficult than being a mother. The love of her mate must be divided between many people, and she must do a tedious job of family "wire-walking."

   You say that you know you can never get along with a stepmother. It is this preconceived sort of attitude that usually rules out any chances of happiness in a situation like yours. With this in your minds, the best woman in the world couldn't get along with you.

   I am deeply sympathetic with you children, for you have sustained a great loss. But we have to take life where we find it and proceed from there. I suggest you think of the self-sacrifice of the woman who loves your father well enough to share her love with his first wife's children, and who is willing to submerge her own identity, her own desires, and her own freedom in your family situation. Think it over, and I'm sure that although I can't do anything to help you, that you children can do a lot to help yourselves by changing your attitude to the idea of a "stepmother."

There is a woman in our community who runs around openly with a married man. She is forty and he is thirty. On Sunday she goes to church and pretends to be the best one there. People are getting tired of the way she acts. Don't you think someone should talk to her?

I think Someone is talking to her. Her conscience is doubtless talking to her, her better judgment is talking to her, I'm sure God is talking to her. The fact that she goes to church is not so much an indication of her hypocrisy as it is her hunger for something more satisfying in life. If I were you I would be slow to gossip about this woman, lest you place yourself in the position of those ancient Pharisees who wanted to stone the adulterous woman. Jesus said: "Let him that is without sin cast the first stone." And they all slipped away from the scene.

   It is easy to get all steamed up about someone else's sin. That is human and natural. But what we forget is that: "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God." If you do talk to this woman, do it in love and in the Spirit of Christ. She is no worse than the woman at Jacob's well to whom Christ gave the water of life.

   Above all, the people in the church who are concerned ought to covenant together to pray for this poor sinful woman!

I play golf with a friend of mine and I'm sorry to say that he cheats. I seldom win, and if I do it's because I have bypassed a few of the rules myself. Why do grown men resort to such tactics just to win a game?

Your question would be amusing if it were not so tragically sad. I happen to play the game of golf and like it because it's so unpredictable and challenging. Of all games, golf is supposed to be a game of honor. It is a game for gentlemen, and if the rules are not observed it ceases to be any fun for anyone. In fact, it ceases to be golf.

   When anyone wants to win so badly that he resorts to cheating, he is missing the whole point of the game. If he wins he has really lost, for he has lost that feeling of honor and good sportsmanship that is the point of every fair athletic contest.

   I'm afraid that this trait of dishonesty is almost becoming a national characteristic with us. We see it in politics, in business, in TV, and now, in the grand old game of golf.

   Grantland Rice once wrote a poem that I would like you to read with your friend. It ends like this:

And when that One Great Scorer comes

To write against your name;

He writes not that you won or lost,

But how you played that game.